Loving Someone Who Struggles w/ Depression

The person you love is depressed. You want to help them, but you don't know how. Maybe they've made jokes about their mood swings or sadness in the past and brushed them off as "just a phase." Maybe you're just trying to figure out why they seem so different lately—and what you can do about it. It's okay if you don't know how to respond when someone close to you becomes depressed; there are no right answers in this situation. However, there are things that might make it easier for both of you if only because they provide a framework for understanding what's happening:

It can be frustrating, confusing, and painful when someone you care about is struggling with depression. You might feel like you want to “fix” them, or that your love is not enough. You might feel like there is nothing you can do to help, and it may seem as though your efforts are being rejected or ignored. You might also find yourself feeling guilty for not “helping” more than you already do—or as if it's your fault for having triggered their depressive episodes in the first place. In short: It's hard being around a depressed person, especially if they don't want your help (and even if they do).

If you love someone who suffers from depression, or if you know someone who does, it can be difficult to know how to help them. You may not know what they're going through, and you may wonder if it's something that will get better on its own. But the truth is that depression is not something that goes away without treatment—it's an illness with real consequences for both your loved ones and you.

There are things in your control that can make a difference for someone suffering from depression: You will have more success when working as a team with them to figure out solutions together than when trying to force them into solving their own problems alone. And by being patient and understanding, along with offering love and support throughout their journey of recovery, you can make all the difference in helping those around you feel better about themselves both now and later down the road.

The first and most important thing I want you to know is that you can't love depression away. Depression is not a choice, but it's also not something that should be ignored. It's not your fault that your loved one might be depressed, and it doesn't mean they don’t love you back. It is, something very real that they are struggling with, however, the good news is that it can be treated.

There are some things you can do to help them feel supported and loved as they manage their mental health—and in turn, feel better about themselves and their relationship with you: Be patient. Remember that depression isn't something anyone can just “get over" or "snap out of." Offer encouragement when they tell you about their struggles with mental health or other issues. Offer support when possible—even if it's just sitting down next to them while they vent. Let them know that even though things may seem bleak right now, there is hope for happiness in the future (and offer tangible proof of this).

If you've ever had a close friend or family member with depression, you can probably relate to this feeling. You may feel like your loved one is pulling away from you and abandoning you. They might not call when they say they will or cancel plans at the last minute because of their illness. When this happens, it can make you feel rejected, criticized, and as if something is wrong with you instead of them. Trust me, I get it, I’ve been there.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with either party—it's simply an aspect of their mental health condition that makes them unable to function normally in certain situations (like getting out of bed or interacting with people they love). But that doesn't make it any easier for those around them who want nothing more than for things to go back to normal between them!

The cold hard truth is that you can't save them from their depression. You can't make it go away. You can't make them happy. You can't make them feel better. And you can’t make them want to get better—it's not your job, anyway; only they have the power to change that situation. With that said, there are a few things you can do to help your loved one:

You can’t lose sight of your self-care. You should prioritize your mental health, spiritual health, and physical health. If you have an active support system that is invested in helping you stay healthy and happy, this will show them just how much they mean to you by allowing them into the process at times when they may not feel like being around anyone else.

Depression is a serious mental illness. It's not something that can be fixed by a simple solution. Depression is a complex condition, affecting the brain in ways that we still don't fully understand. The best course of treatment is to meet with a therapist to evaluate the best course of treatment which might include evidence-based therapies, medication, etc. Your loved one will also need love and a support system during this time.

Depression isn't something you can fix for someone else; you may be able to help them cope with their symptoms, but ultimately, it's up to them to decide if they want to seek treatment and make changes in their life. The best thing you can do is offer support and be there when they are ready to take the next step.